The Secret to Being Really Actually Happy, For Real This Time.

I am forever balancing on this tightrope between catering to my Autoimmune- readers and my, uh, non- Autoimmune readers. So here’s the deal. This post is the golden ticket out of WHATEVER is currently bothering you. I confess, my lovely little badasses, that i have been slacking on my blogging duties and for that i am eternally, deeply apologetic. However i must also confess that the rage-laced emails demanding my return and threatening to “come find me,” if i stop posting were more then just a little flattering, and so i’m not really THAT sorry. There’s nothing like being missed. ūüėČ However I do have a valid excuse for my leave of absence. In addition to my Lupus, Fibromyalgia, POTS, and Celiac, i have been stricken with an atrocious case of writer’s block.¬†Between that and the Prednisone induced ANGER, my brain has been stuck in a tailspin. Had i attempted to blog in that state, the resulting product would have read like the fight scenes in a Quentin Tarantino movie. Think F-bombs and incoherent grunting. So really i was just sparing you guys. You’re welcome.

However, thanks to the very thing that this post is about, i am back in the game. Ready to deliver to my beautiful sparklemice. Now what, you may ask, could have gotten Leah out of her rut? What made her haul her sweatpants-clad butt out of bed, into the world, and on the search for the metaphorical chainsaw to rip through her mental dam? Four letters. One word. But before i tell you the word, you must promise me that you will not see it, panic, and click the little red ex on the upper right corner of your screen. Because (un)fortunately, the internet is overflowing with love/hate letters to this one word, and i assure you, mine is different. I’m taking your silence as a promise. Do not click ex. Do not.
YOGA.

Namaste with me here for a sec, i promise you this post applies to you (Could. Not. Resist. Yoga. Pun.) For AGES, Yoga has been attracting people from varying walks of life for millions of ¬†reasons, the most popular of which include weight loss, flexibility, instagram likes, and the license to wear Lulu Lemon. In this post, i am going to tell you why this ancient art form is ¬†not just some sepia-toned social media fad, but actually your pass to a happier, healthier, sexier, more fulfilling life. I’m not saying “you,” in general. I’m speaking to you specifically, reader. You. YOU. The one looking at the screen.

Reasons that Yoga is the Answer To Whatever is Making You Such A  Sad, Self- Pitying Grouchypants:

1) Looking Good = Feeling Good-¬†¬†Unlike other workouts, it is IMPOSSIBLE to do Yoga without seeing physical results. While quick paced cardio has the reputation for creating that Victoria’s Secret Angel body, really it’s just weight loss as a result of high calorie burning. Sometimes that weight loss isn’t even fat loss, just water retention fluctuation. Yawn for flat booties and bony bellies. Yoga aids in making you feel gorgeous by burning calories through muscle development and stretching, resulting in toned limbs, a longer appearance, a muscular core, and a lighter footstep. Cardio die- hards don’t tune out just yet, a vigorous Vinyasa flow focused around inversions and seamless transition will have you out of breath wayyy faster then your treadmill ever could. Extra points for glowy skin (a result of heightened organ function,) and detoxed blood (same reason.) With a clean, balanced diet and a few studio hours each week, there’s literally no way to not up your Kate Upton factor. Much of the weight management is also due to a mental shift. You start to view food as something amazing, that gives you the strength to become lighter and more agile, not an evil adversary trying to take up residence on your thighs. Binge eating becomes less and less appealing as you learn to listen to your body,not your brain. and this just AUTOMATICALLY happens. No assembly required. Plus, you get to wear cute leggings and matchy patchy sports bras. It’s like an instagram filter FOR YOUR LIFE.

2) Yoga Makes You Think Like A Badass– Yoga is the physical manifestation of everything we strive to mentally be. We want to become stronger, braver, more stable, more kind, and less breakable. Every time you get on the mat, you get to work towards PHYSICALLY becoming those exact things, on a much more manageable, tangible, scale. ¬†Yoga is more then just the practice of pushing yourself to your physical limit, it’s the practice of forgiving yourself once you’ve reached that limit. THERE IS NO BODYSHAME IN YOGA. It’s different from other forms of fitness in that it’s not about reaching specific external goals, wherever you are in your practice is where you’re supposed to be. Its about learning to accept your current physical state for exactly what it is, so that you can improve it. And forgive yourself when you fall short of your own expectations. Wanting to be better doesn’t have to mean disliking where you are. I would love to be a published writer with a big shiny book on the New York Times’ Best Selling list, AND i love being a blogger with approximately 80 readers. See? Yoga brain. That “i wish i looked like,” voice in your head gets quieter and quieter, and gets replaced by a lovely, peaceful silence.

3) You Time- Whether it’s the boyfriend/girlfriend who needs constant validation, the sticky handed toddler tugging at your shirt all day,or the workload that refuses to ease up, we all have something that’s a consistent drain on our energy source. This is a good thing, as life is ABOUT draining your energy into something you care about. However we have this tendency to totally forget that energy, just like money or time, runs out. The thing about getting on the mat, is that every time you do it, you do it alone. Nobody else is there with you. No significant other, no kids, no boss. It’s time that you give to YOU, to improve on your own physical well being and mental outlook, and it’s not about anyone else. It’s like a spa that you have access to all the time. Ironically, this selfishness is also ridiculously beneficial to the people around you, as it’s scientifically proven that mental-clarity makes you less bitchy and more helpful. When you turn into a grouchy toddler, give yourself a yoga- time out. I find that i’m usually only a few poses in when i realize that the world is not, in fact, a horrible dark hellhole of destruction that’s out to get me personally.

4) Battery Recharge- ¬†A good Yoga class is like an espresso shot. Once the practice becomes a part of your routine, you’ll find that you’re at your clearest and most YOU as your rolling up your mat after a session. We play ten million different roles during the day, (parent, child, teacher, student, boyfriend, girlfriend, the funny one, the flirty one,) depending on who we’re with and what we’re doing. That makes it really hard to remember who we actually are to ourselves, when nobody else is around. While your focusing on your breathing, and the minute positioning of every little vertebra in your body, all of those layers get miraculously stripped away, and you are left with your realest, purest, most relaxed you. You are also left with a tight little yoga booty and a better body image.

5) Its the Foundation of Overall Health- ¬†So if the tight butt, nice abs, happy brain, shiny hair, clear skin, and flexibility aren’t enough of a reason to try rolling out the mat, ¬†try this. Yoga poses were created to enhance organ function and reduce inflammation. Not only that, but it gives attention to crucial things that we never would have thought about prior to Yoga, such as toe flexibility and cartilage health. These things don’t SOUND important, but, (listen up my little autoimmune bunnies,) take it from the girl with the wackadoodle Lupus joints. When your toes are too tense to bend, you can’t put on your shoes anymore. And when your cartilage is crumbly, everything hurts. Inflamed connective tissue feels like walking through an unpredictable thornbush. You may not think these things apply to you, and maybe they don’t. YET. But eventually, humans get old. And i was (un)lucky enough to have a peek at what creaky joints and weak bones feel like, and how much they disable you. Keeping the body flexible and strong is a more worthy investment of your time then anything else you can be doing during that hour, i assure you. Because no matter what you achieve, no matter how much money you make, or how many tests you ace, you only get one body. That’s it. Always. Just one. And you have to live in it. It goes where you go. You want to be comfy up in there, no?

So that, my loves, is where it’s at. In a rut? Yoga. Not in a rut? Yoga. Hate your teenage daughter? Yoga. Hate your body? Yoga. One size fits all, and all sizes fit.

Namaste, sparklemice.

Stay badass.

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